Are you ‘shining?’ Pretending to be good at work doesn’t do any good

Countless workers are smiling through stress through a phenomenon called “glowing,” and it’s time to put an end to it.

“Brightness” refers to excessive optimism to ward off difficulties at work, including real emotional struggles and negative emotions, said Dr. Trina Clyeux, PhD, of Raleigh, NC, and CEO at Give an Hour, a nonprofit mental health organization that provides free mental health services nationwide through a network of volunteer professionals.

“Using this coping mechanism can lead to mistrust, isolation, increased stress and even dissatisfaction,” Clayeux said, pointing to a 2024 Monster survey that found 67% of workers feel they work in an environment toxic and 78% of workers do not. They don’t feel their employer is doing enough to address their mental wellbeing at work.

Most people know if they’re glossing over, said Karen Leal, performance specialist at Insperity, a national human resources provider in Houston.

“They may say they’re fine or not talking, but they have an internal monologue about what’s not sitting right,” she explained, noting that glossers may also know what changes they’d like to see, but they are not. expressing their thoughts and ideas.

The practice of skipping these conversations can become a bad habit.

“The longer the avoidance continues, the less likely it is to productively address the issues,” she said. “Issues either remain unresolved or are addressed when they can no longer be swept under the rug.â€

Along with the dreaded “I’m fine,” some telltale signs from peers include dismissive comments and ignoring feedback. Even those overly cheery emails can be an avoidance tactic, said Clayeux, who advised paying attention to phrases like “just stay positive!” or “it could be worse!”

“This is very common in toxic environments where glossing is an established practice,” she said.
Here’s how to overcome this common workplace MO.

Tone down the positive language

Clayeux emphasized controlling herself and assessing the emotional tone of conversations. Then use language that acknowledges your feelings instead of overly positive statements.

Geraud Staton, a Durham, NC, CEO who works in consulting and public affairs and also serves as a peer support facilitator at Give an Hour, recalls one notable example.

Staton and a colleague were working on a major project, reporting to the same supervisor. “I noticed that my colleague often used glossing to minimize the amount of time and effort required to complete the project,” he said. “They would often tell partners and stakeholders how smooth and fast the process would be, which I knew was not accurate.”

Staton was anxious to talk as no one wants to be the “bad guy”. Eventually, he decided to use the data to show an honest estimate of how long it would take to complete the project.

“The thing about glossing is that people often use it to protect themselves, especially in environments with manipulative or supervisory leadership. It can feel easier to submit to challenges in order not to be seen in a negative light, Staton reflects. “Glowing got us nowhere, and being honest and open from the start would have been the best way to go.”

Talk one to one

Make the most of this valuable time with your boss.

“These one-on-one meetings are meant for you to open up and express any issues you may have and point out areas where you need additional support,” said Leal, who emphasized the importance of having difficult conversations.

“Learning to navigate dialogue about the challenges you’re facing creates the experience to make conversations easier over time and supports the understanding that talking isn’t helpful or a solution,” Leal said. “You can discuss your career path and express your interest in professional development in order to grow within the company.”

Don’t dismiss comments

The truth can hurt. “Be open to feedback that suggests you tend to ignore issues rather than address them,” Clyeux said.

Acknowledge and explore the other person’s point of view. Take Clayeux’s following example of a framework for responding to criticism: “Thanks for raising the concerns. I realize that I might seem dismissive by focusing only on the possibilities. Can you share more about the challenges you are facing so we can tackle them together?

Nix people pleaser

“Many people-pleasers tend to practice glossing, and management may not know of a problem until they receive the resignation of their hard-working employee,” warned Leal. “Constantly putting on a brave face, not addressing issues and keeping quiet about what you need as an employee can also be detrimental to your career. If you don’t speak up about an issue, including not protecting your ambitions for advancement, your career can stall.

Flashy, toxic positivity can lower morale over time by eroding trust and shutting down open communication. Implementing a mindfulness practice like meditation or yoga or talking to a licensed therapist can help you learn more about your inner tendencies to always keep other people happy and rewire your tendency to ‘bent over backwards for others – both in your professional and personal life. .

Identify when someone is trespassing

While the onus is on an employee to speak up, it’s important for managers to develop individual relationships with their team so they are aware when something might be wrong.

“Encouraging conversation to help create personal and team connection is especially critical today as we manage in remote and hybrid environments,” said Leal.

Leal shares the story of a client where an employee had significant changes in his role and when asked how things were going, the employee repeatedly said everything was fine.

“Actually, the employee was overwhelmed, but he didn’t want to look like they didn’t know what they were doing,” Leal said. “Instead of asking for help or taking the help offered, the employee chose to figure things out on his own.â€

Eventually, it got to the point where the employee was visibly struggling and the manager stepped in. This suffering in silence due to fading “happens much more often than we would hope,” Leal said.
Don’t be part of that group. Why not put on a brave face?